By Jenni Sellan
February. The month of love; romance on steroids; cupids moment in the spotlight; his bow and arrow the most coveted accessory. Aim, fire, It’s a perfect match.
A reason to expect a little more attention than usual or a not so subtle reminder that the only attention you will receive is that which you pay yourself.
February 14, the pinnacle; A date filled either with anticipation or loathing – a spectrum of extremes as we buy in to the ideal that our greatest loves are to be found external to ourselves, marked by an age old tradition and outward displays of affection and extravagance. (God forbid if I’m the only one in the office who doesn’t receive a ridiculously large bunch of flowers!)
Excuse me…. but at what point did the 1800’s call to remind us that our lives and name will not amount to anything of value without the ultimate partnership or pairing?
Isn’t it time to put to bed this idea that that the highest and most meaningful forms of self-validation count only when they arrive from external sources? He loves me… I love me… He loves me not… I love me not.. How about… I love me, full stop.
Romance (or lack thereof) aside, surely this constant quest for external acceptance is slowly suffocating our individuality as our unique selves are continually pushed further and further below the surface. And lets be honest, I can have my perfect partner lying beside me and still be searching for the Universe’s ultimate YES. This is not unique to romantic liaisons.
Digital disruption and the access it has given us has made our search for meaning even more complicated than your love story.
Take the quiz; are you more like Kim or Khloe…maybe Kendal is your long lost twin? Are you the Carrie Bradshaw of the group or a little more Samantha Jones?
If you live in the Western world, you belong to a place in time that lives and breathes a culture obsessed with the celebrity and fame of a minority group that appeals to the masses. Pop culture has become more influence and less entertainment and our identities instead of being found are lost, as so many of us find ourselves chasing meaning through identification with individual celebrities; ‘the stars’, ‘the IT model and the muse’ and high profile socialites. Whether consciously or not, we find ourselves in a world of comparison; “If only I lived a life like that; If only I had a love like that; I’d be skinnier, richer and happier and ultimately complete”.
Can we just get real here for a minute? These are lives that very few of us have genuine or authentic insight or access to. What we see is what is chosen for us to see, but our obsessions cloud our perceptions and make everything look so much greener on the other side.
Living our moments vicariously through the untouchable reality of someone else has got to be the ultimate form of torture. It’s time to flip our attention.
Imagine what our worlds could look like if we had a little healthy obsession – one that started with ourselves.
It seems to have become customary for us to identify with other people as opposed to identifying with our self. As a result, our dreams, visions and goals have a strange connection to a life other than our own.
(If we gave half the attention to our own dreams that we give to obsessing over Gigi’s instagram account we might just find ourselves enjoying our own little slice of success).
I admit, it sounds cliché, but the truth is, we need more self-love. Once we learn to find acceptance in ourselves, we become open to discovering our unique strengths, qualities, gifts and talents, and ultimately what we have to offer the world. In turn, the great loves of our life will follow and not just relationships; fulfilling careers, opportunities and dreams will become a part of your experience simply through the process of making room, for you.
Self-discovery is an adventure; what do like, what do you loath, what’s important to you, who are you in the quiet moments when it’ s just you, your pampered pooch and your favourite tee and sweat pants. What do you want to be, when you grown up? Unfortunately when it comes to the truth of these questions, many of us find it easier to tell you whose dating Orlando Bloom and how many times Tori Spelling has moved house in the last 5 years!
But as intimidating as we might find our deepest thoughts, it’s amazing what can transpire when our attention turns…
So instead of coveting Mariah’s diamond, allowing antiquated romantic notions to fill your head, or waiting for the ultimate connection or compliment before you decide you are enough, rise up. It’s your time.
Buy your own damn diamond ring and set your own soul on fire, because the universe needs YOU. (And as much as we love them, the world doesn’t need another Kardashian).