By an anonymous model

This entry explores my feelings towards my parents. Mothers Day was around the corner and I was feeling guilty about not being able to spend it with my mother. There was, on one hand, the lure of NYC, with its bright city lights and a new future for me, and on the other hand, my comfortable home and loving family. It’s hard to leave people behind- especially when you’re unsure of what’s to come…

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“Ok so I don’t know why that movie made me feel weird but it just did. Possibly the obvious life-cycle of the women and their relationships with one central male character that allowed an open investigation of the characters meanings which lead to my analytic side being stirred once again or maybe it could be simply having time alone outside of New York and the simple ending — of mothers days. One always follows ‘doom’ after impending but that’s so not the right word as I describe Mothers Day. What just came to mind was “remorse” and I have no fricken clue why. Maybe (obviously) because I feel bad that I am not home getting to know my mother. All this time I was focused on her letting me go but I realize now that its me she wants to know. She wants to see me grow and be with me and its I. Its ME whos being selfish by not giving (them bad too) the chance, to be with me allthe time. However, in my defense, I do feel like I am living in the right city. New York kicks me up the ass so much, throws me around opens my eyes and teaches (uncovers) aspects of myself I never thought possible to exist. Sometimes I need space from my lover. From my city. As some relationships do. People break, people cheat , people return and people love. It’s a life cycle and its beautiful. The highways run like veins and the pulse of the city is felt in its energetic vibrations. Life comes and goes, it moves and sings, its happy time. Frank Sinatra (heart) in the right places. Up and Down I go. That’s ok with me. Aim for what you wish for. Think it and it shall become.”