By Brandis Ohlsson
If you’ve been living under a rock the past few months, you missed what seemed to be the most important news story to hit the Internet since “Hot Convict” Jeremy Meeks. A Scottish woman posted a photo on her Tumblr page, asking followers what color they saw the dress as. Some said they saw white and gold, others said they saw black and blue. (I say, who the hell cares?) According to science, different people are legitimately seeing the dress as different colors, and it has to do with varying numbers of photoreceptors in our retinas and whatnot.
What boggles me is that with all the excitement surrounding, no one has asked the most important question of all- why would anyone wear that dress in the first place??!
With a little digging it seems that the dress comes from a British website Roman. (https://www.romanoriginals.co.uk) It’s a bodycon dress, i.e.: would only be worn well by ladies with rocking bodies, and comes in four color choices, none of which are white and gold. Sorry to burst some of your bubbles.
I try not to be judgmental of other people’s fashion choices, but this is one of those dresses that would look very Jersey Shore, even on the tallest, thinnest, and most beautiful of glamizons. There is too much going on; from the layering of fabric, lace overlays, and color options that don’t exist in nature, to the peekaboo mesh collarbone, this little number (appropriately now titled #TheDress Lace Bodycon) is screaming, “I’m on trend! I’m on trend!” Which yes, I know, even as I type it, is the most obvious statement that can be said about a dress that melted the Internet in less than 24 hours.
But alas- I have to remember #TheDress hasn’t gained it’s notoriety for its design, or because it was worn by a starlet or rockstar. This dress probably won’t go down in history with Marilyn’s white pleated halter, or JLo’s deep plunging Versace. This is a dress that shot to fame for being a scientific marvel that allowed the world to collectively waste some time. And while most of us will forget about it in a week or two and move onto the next viral sensation, #TheDress will most definitely be remembered with the likes of Alex from Target, Grumpy Cat, the prosthetic 3rd boob lady, and my personal favorite, Sweet Brown’s “Ain’t nobody got time for that”. And really, who does have time for that?