By Ellen Hancock – A Not So Model Life

Week one of Coachella is rearing it’s sunny flower-wreathed head, and sadly you and I aren’t going to tame the joyful beast. Soon we’ll all be languishing in feelings of jealousy and it’s evil counterpart – apathy. These symptoms are attributed to an easily contracted sickness called Coachella Rage And Pessimism, or C.R.A.P.

So what are we sunburn, porta potty, and $7 beer deprived people to do? Luckily, there is hope. Here is my list of things you can do this weekend to help ease the pain of your sickness…

1. Go on a hike, preferably in a remote area.

One of the great things about Coachella is that it gets you into the great outdoors to work on an awkward strappy/farmer tan line. A vitamin D filled weekend is just we survivors of winter need. Luckily this can be achieved in other places than Indio. Getting outdoors to see some scenery and soak up the good stuff is highly recommended, and a long hike is the perfect excuse. Plus, if you can get out town a ways, you might have the added benefit of losing cell phone reception for a while – forcing you to take a break from all those damn cheery status updates.

2. Go vintage shopping with friends.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, did it make any noise? If you went to Coachella and you didn’t buy a t-shirt, were you even there? No, the answer is no. And you can’t convince me otherwise. The bitch thing is that buying official wares at the festival itself will set you back a pretty penny. We sufferers of C.R.A.P. can get special t-shirts of our own though, and unlike the gaggle of Coachella goers we have the option of either haggling or not haggling, depending on our desire to snag a deal or mimic Coachella itself and overpay. Cool! So get out of the house and hunt for some C.R.A.P. treasures of your own.

3. Drink creatively.

Half of the excitement of Coachella is finding ways to sneak booze into the festival grounds. Everyone does it! The creativity of the endeavor makes the availability and affordability of booze that much more fun. So gather up your friends for a party and give a prize to whomever can provide their booze in the most intriguing way. There’s no cure for a C.R.A.P. weekend like drinking away your sorrows from a tampon flask or water bra!

4. Watch the madness online.

If you can’t make it out to Indio for the Outkast reunion all is not lost. Coachella will be live streaming performances on the internet, and while I only recommend this option for individuals with only minor cases of C.R.A.P. or those who will readily have the support of a house party of tampon flasking friends, it is an option. Enjoy the sights and sounds and keep in mind that you don’t have to go into a porta-potty today. It’s a good day.