When you go through a breakup, there is so much pain involved – even when you know it was the right decision for you. You can’t control how deep and intense that feeling will be; and if you didn’t want the breakup, it can be even more painful.  Oftentimes, we blame ourselves for the breakup, even when it is not our fault. Regardless of who is at fault, we have to practice self-love throughout a breakup. The emotional pain of a breakup is taxing. How much you grieve the breakup is completely dependent on you, and varies greatly person to person. 

Love is a very complex, funny thing to experience. Love for another person can be experienced on many levels. Some people don’t really experience love, and some feel it the first time they meet someone. It can last for forever, or disappear randomly without any warning. Sometimes you can fall in love without meaning to. It can make you stronger, or break you. Most of us crave the love of a partner romantically, but we forget to crave our own self-love. 

Sometimes a breakup isn’t crystal clear. You may take a break, only to find that you both still want each other. You may feel like you’ve fallen out of love with each other, or not believe they love you. It can manifest in them caring less, arguing constantly, or having terrible sex, without “I love you”s being said. Throughout this, you need to maintain self-love. When you feel like you have nothing to give them, you have to find something in yourself to give yourself love. 

It can be hard to wrap your head around what’s actually going on in your relationship. Loving someone is not enough reason to stay with someone. You have to choose yourself, and practicing self-love will make this much easier for you. A relationship is more than taking cute pictures together, cuddling, and having sex. If your relationship with yourself isn’t there, how can you have a relationship with someone else?

Whatever you put into a relationship should be reciprocated. Regardless of whether that is reciprocated in other ways, it must happen. It’s the absolute baseline of a relationship. It’s better to be alone than to not love yourself or your partner. 

So how can you practice self-love? 

Self love

Self-love is the one way to be secure and happy within yourself. You don’t need validation from anyone but yourself. Sometimes we look outside of ourselves for love because it is a habit ingrained into us from childhood. We learn this from our parents and friends, and feel like we have to have outside validation, when that is in fact not the case at all. Having a healthy self love relationship with yourself will change your outlook on love with another person. 

Looking for love in another person will never really make you feel content. 

You have to adore yourself. 

Working on loving ourselves allows us to overcome the feeling of needing another person’s validation. When you practice self love, you’ll be better to yourself, and become a better person. 

Practicing self-love

You need to give yourself a break. Love yourself – reflect on how you should be treated, and offer yourself that treatment. When you give yourself everything you need, you won’t need it from another person. 

Stop thinking that you need to be perfect. This is step one of self love. You are perfect for yourself, and can always work on things that need to be improved upon. We see “perfect” people on social media, but this is not truthful – no person is perfect, and social media fabricates a lifestyle that doesn’t feasibly exist for most. Perfection is different for every person. 

Don’t fall victim to societal expectations. You can’t compare yourself to other people. The more you compare yourself, the less self love you are giving yourself. 

Practice self-love with sex toys

Sex toys

Practicing self love with sexy toys can include:

  1. Exploring your own body and desires through solo play.
  2. Trying out new vibrators and dildos and finding what feels good for you.
  3. Creating a comfortable and safe space for self-exploration.
  4. Incorporating relaxation techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness.
  5. Setting boundaries and honoring your own comfort level.

Treating yourself with kindness and respect, and avoiding self-criticism.

  1. Remember, the goal is to focus on pleasure and self-discovery in a positive and empowering way.

Try to live more in the moment. 

Stop looking for the next best thing! Look within yourself- you are the best thing. You are living, breathing, and existing in this world! Love yourself for simply making it through another day!

Practice gratitude

Be grateful daily. What did you do today? What made you happy? Self love involves recognising our strengths. 

Daily, tell yourself something good that happened. Appreciate the small things in life. List different positive things about yourself that you are thankful for. Once you have self love for yourself, you will find validation for yourself. This will lead to happier and healthier relationships in the long run.